I nearly always have considered soccer to be like hockey in super slow motion, with the excellent chance of a game ending up tied nil-nil.
Recent advances in the sport have raised its profile in my estimation. FIFA World Cup soccer has become spectacular. MLS soccer has arrived in Vancouver (MLS stands for Major League Soccer, the top professional league in Canada and the USA). And now I've also seen my first chainsaw-wielding soccer mascot.
The Portland Timbers are the Vancouver Whitecaps' regional rivals. Their mascot is "Timber Joey", who no word of a lie comes to every home game with a full-sized fully-operational chainsaw which he brandishes for the enjoyment of the home team fans. If Portland had a machinegun manufacturing plant instead of forestry, who knows how this could have ended up.
On the face of it, Timber Joey appears to be a vaguely psychopathic red-haired wildman with a dangerous weapon, which is often not the first choice for major league mascot considerations. Digging deeper, we find that Timber Joey is actually a spin-off of Timber Jim, who retired from chainsaw soccer activities in 2008. Timber Jim was a lumberjack who asked the team if he could please be allowed to bring his saw to the games. Timber Jim became a fan favourite, possibly because he never actually slayed anybody with his chainsaw, but more likely because he seems to be a big-hearted, energetic supporter of the team, and a frequent contributor to local charities. Timber Jim and Joey have their detractors but they also remain local heroes, no matter how unlikely that may be. As long as Vancouver has the eardrum-splitting Crazy P and the rediculean Green Men, I don't see how we can begin to complain about Portland's mascot heritage.
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