Sunday, January 17, 2010

17 - Jeff Catches A Cold, Part I

Some unattended snot-nosed incubator in Oshkosh B'gosh overalls coughed up on me like a lawn spinkler in the grocery store the other day.  I, being even more foolish, didn't bother to wash my hands and now I have a cold.  It's definitely slowing me down, tiring me out, and affecting my focus and judgment. According to one current website, around ten percent of people living in Vancouver right now have either a cold or the flu. 

I figured it's important to find out what kind of virus am I dealing with.  I coughed up a sample onto an index card and scanned the result into Photoshop.  This is the picture below:

As you may notice, the virus is too small to see with the naked eye.  However, If I use special magnification, we can get our first look at the enemy strain below:

Well, it's a worse cold than I thought!  This virus looks militant, and he's rallying the troops for an all-out assault.  The symbol on the flag is the shape of the common cold virus.  With all of those knobs, it resembles a one of those balls you thow in a clothes dryer.  

This particular cold looks to be uncommon.  I think it thinks it's Patton!  I hope for my sake it's Oswalt Patton and not Gen. George S. Patton.  

My symptoms are fatigue, itchy eyes, coughing and a sore throat, and the urge to run a tank division past the enemy's west enfilade and flank those bastards.  Yes, a worse cold than I thought, indeed.