Some unattended snot-nosed incubator in Oshkosh B'gosh overalls coughed up on me like a lawn spinkler in the grocery store the other day. I, being even more foolish, didn't bother to wash my hands and now I have a cold. It's definitely slowing me down, tiring me out, and affecting my focus and judgment. According to one current website, around ten percent of people living in Vancouver right now have either a cold or the flu.
I figured it's important to find out what kind of virus am I dealing with. I coughed up a sample onto an index card and scanned the result into Photoshop. This is the picture below:
As you may notice, the virus is too small to see with the naked eye. However, If I use special magnification, we can get our first look at the enemy strain below:
Well, it's a worse cold than I thought! This virus looks militant, and he's rallying the troops for an all-out assault. The symbol on the flag is the shape of the common cold virus. With all of those knobs, it resembles a one of those balls you thow in a clothes dryer.
This particular cold looks to be uncommon. I think it thinks it's Patton! I hope for my sake it's Oswalt Patton and not Gen. George S. Patton.
My symptoms are fatigue, itchy eyes, coughing and a sore throat, and the urge to run a tank division past the enemy's west enfilade and flank those bastards. Yes, a worse cold than I thought, indeed.
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