So we have this houseplant and it's infested with a single worm that's eating the leaves. We can't get the worm by day because he hides, and he comes out and eats the plant only when we sleep. He's crafty that way.
So I've seen this on television before, and I think it will work. I make a decoy worm out of things I have around the house. I make sure she doesn't just look like another worm, but a va-va-voom blonde bombshell of a worm: long blonde hair, gorgeous eyes and a full figure that would make a bishop kick in a stained glass window*.
So I tell my wife: "We stick this little beauty in the plant, see? Then we hook her up to the dynamite and light the fuse. The pesky guy worm will come out of his hidey-hole to see what's going on. Then the lady worm will be all like, 'hello, sailor', and the guy worm will be all like, 'hey baby, you da bomb', and then the fuse runs out just as the guy worm makes his move, and then KABOOM! No more worm problem. So where do we keep the dynamite, hon?"
My wife fixes me with one of her looks. "We're all out of dynamite."
*Apologies to Raymond Chandler, from whom I swiped this quote.
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