Today's blog entry goes on at length about phlegm. Maybe too long at length. If you find images of phlegm disturbing, then do not scroll down to see today's JSVB post.
Just because you're too sick to get out of the house for a week doesn't mean you cannot get your creativity on. When the E.P.A. comes to knocking on your front door dressed in Class III Environmental Suits, you can show them your latest art project, even as they bundle you into a hermetically-sealed personal safety container. Use the virus you are incubating to your own advantage!
I present How To Draw Trees During Cold And Flu Season:
You will need some blank paper and coloured drawing tools, like pens, pencils, or crayons.
1) First, with a brown crayon, draw three tall, thin spikes pointed on top. Then draw a bunch of little lines that run across each spike. These will make the trunks for a stand of tropical palm trees.
2) Then, just do what comes naturally. Cough up a lung. Try to aim the phlegm at the top of the tree trunks for best effect. If you miss, be prepared to draw a new tree trunk underneath the green fronds.
3) Finally, use a yellow crayon to draw a sun, and blue crayons to sketch out the water and horizon. Now you can enjoy your exclusive beach view! Note that adding a couple of "M" Birds makes the picture so realistic, you will be reaching for your sunblock. Aloha!
Master Class:
If you followed the first exercise and you think you are ready for more, try this out if you can:
1) Okay, with any luck, you've got bronchitis. A lung infection will allow you to bring up lots of different phlegm colours. You can take advantage of that! Try to make the splatters line up on your page.
2) I've added stout tree trunks under each blob to make a boulevard. I've also sketched in some buildings and a horse and carriage. Now we are in Central Park in the autumn. How lovely!
3) Finally, if you can score tuberculosis, so much the better! Now we can have apple trees. See how the fruit looks so ripe, you can almost pick it right off of the image. With mad art skillz like these, you'll be sure to be the darling of the quarantine ward.
Posts
