Welcome JSVB Readers to another entry into my Ungood Art catalogue. Ungood Art is a piece of artwork that I have created that went from good to ungood somewhere along the way. On the thirteenth day of every month, I end up showing something I've created that's nowhere near good. In this case, I break two new frontiers: one, in that this piece is primarily a poem, although visual layout is crucial to the proper appreciation of the work; and two, that the ungoodness in this entry is entirely intentional, a work of art designed to be ungood from inception to completion.
So, first, the history. My Uncle Bern, perhaps the greatest CFL Edmonton Eskimo fan ever, phoned me long-distance to make a bet on the outcome of the game between the Esks and my hometown BC Lions. Well past the ken of prediction, Bern suggested that the wager be a poem. The loser of the bet would have to write a poem that clearly praises the team that wins the game.
And the Lions then got edged out by the surging Eskimos. And then I had to come up with a poem. A good poem. A poem in high praise of the hated Eskimos. Most of all, a memorable poem.
This is what I wrote, a Shakespearean sonnet to the Eskies:
Sharp-eyed JSVB readers will notice that most of the poem was set in a very flowing fine-lined font called Baroque Script. Yet other parts of the poem are set in a bold and angular font called Bullpen. Baroque Script is designed to cover a page with beautiful flowery lines. Bullpen is meant to be seen from across a sports field. From these choices, I hope you deduce my object lesson on readable fonts.
Bern did not appreciate my choice in fonts, at least not at first. He was wrapped up with Eskimo pride, practically blinded by the glory of his team. Here is a photo I snapped of him at a family party reading aloud with infinite glee the copy of the sonnet I had printed and framed for him:
I managed to take this picture at exactly the moment of realization dawning. GO LIONS GO! I think it may just be the greatest photograph I have ever shot. This should be in my Showcase Section, not Ungood Art! Uncle Bern's exact reply to the sonnet was not something I can repeat word for word, but the gist was that ungood nephews do indeed craft ungood art.